I wish

Having time at hand to actually think. I got around to thinking about me, myself. We all do that a lot... maybe some of us a little more than the other ...nevertheless we do it. As i was doing this introspective blah blah .. i realised that there was this one word that kept cropping up.. WISH... When i was 10 I wished we lived closer to school ..all my friends were. When I was 12 I wished that i wore glasses like this real cool girl who sat in front of me at school.. When I was 13 I wished that I WAS the real cool girl who sat in front of me at school. When I was 14 I wished that i didnt have to wear those" horrible glasses" anymore. When I was 15 I wished that i was wearing those"horrible glasses" and not those terrible contact lenses.. When I was 18 I wished that I was older so that I could go to work ad have great fun.. When i was 23 I wished that I was the one getting married..(Oh what fun it must all be ).. When I was 27 (older and wiser) I wished that I was the one with the high flying career and not the one stuck at home having the baby .. When I was 32 I wished that my baby would go up quickly and start school... When I was 34 I wished my baby had remained my baby ...and now that I am 35(much older but sadly not much wiser as you can see) I wish that I was young with no worries other than exams again.. SIGHHHHH!!! Wish .. such a fascinating word.. One that we cannot live with and cannot live without!!!!

I found it!!!!

The problem with having more than one blog address... u forget them ..especially if u are such a tardy blogger as I am !! However , having found my favourite address, the time and the inclination to blog (not unlike the brahma mahurat u no) thought i will just try out a few lines. In my defence I must say that having two kids running around ur legs will definitely be thought of as a deterrent to any kind of  intelligent conversation/ thought leave alone any interesting blogs. well so long folks....the brahma muhurat  has passed... 

I spend so much of my time thinking about those who care not a tuppeny for me . I mean , I think i have wasted almost half of my life thinking out reasons as to why a certain someone does not reciprocate my overtures of friendship or just does not seem to care. When i feel nothing but disgust and blatant dislike for someone ..why does my mind keep reverting back to the "unfairnemss" of it all?
Is it some stupid , deep rooted feeling of acceptability that im yearning for ...or is it just my ego ...my hurt pride that is my focal point????
While iam wasting my life on low life such as these..Iam ignoring all those lovely people who actually care about me and what do i do?? Unload a whole lot of BS to them on how 'ill used ' iam !!!!
Why is indifference to rubbish such a difficult lesson in life????!!!!

My battle with being BIG??!!!!

I ve always been BIG or the dreaded F word... no no...u ve got me wrong there!!!! I mean FAT.!!!!! ALWAYS!!! Well... maybe not always....as people love to remind me... " you were such a skinny toddler!!! I just cant beleve that u turned out fat!!ha ha ha ..." oooh boy!!! have always wished i could do a Harry Potter and say"silencio"or even better"engorgio". Anyways...pulling myelf from pleasant thoughts of what i could do if i had a wand.... maybe i was not always this big but have been ever since it mattered!!! I remember being 11 and i joined a new school ...my nickname there was not very complimentary ...it was not very original either ...children being their boring selves. I was called Fatso or Fred Flintstone...Yeah i know....thats what i thought then !!! It really didnt help that my best friend turned out to be the class belle. You know...she was the kind that looked nice whatever she did AND she was really really slim too!!!! Soon... we came to be known by different nicknames... oooh boy!!!! u got that right...Laurel and Hardy!!!! Soon the class belle turned into the school beauty . By the time we were 14... she was this beautiful girl with great legs...lovely teeth....great complexion...u get my drift??? To be honest ...looking back.... i was not bad...nope... I was worse!!! I put on some more weight and had to wear thick glasses and got into the most god awful scrapes u can think of!!! there was this time when i ... well maybe some other time!!! Getting back to my "weighty" problem . My truly best friend...and she was the best......started getting noticed by all the boys even the Big Boys...12th graders ...no less and me...as is the standard procedure...i was the official letter /message bearer!!! OUCH!!! Having said all that , i still remember how much fun the two of us had reading those letters and I must say that I miss her a lot!!!!
Now...Iam all grown up ...great husband ..beautiful daughter ...same problem!!!! I am still F F ...auuuuuughhhh...lets just say big...shall we ?? I ve often wondered if the entire female population in the world is a size zero ... seeing that that is the only size stocked in all stores. It is mighty regular for salesmen to blush and shake their head if i ask for a " Bigger " size in any of the dresses stocked!! WAKE UP PEOPLE!!! Not all of us want to look emaciated like Kareena Kapoor!!!!!
The worst part is...i dont even have to eat to put on weight...all i need to do is LOOK at a chocolate bar or even THINK about it!!!I can actually FEEL myself SWELL!!! OH NO!!!! There i go again......

Funny thing about memories

You know ...memories are funny things. I have always found that u tend to remember the most insignificant little detail that happened yeras and years ago and yet can manage to forget something that happened yestersay. Me... well u know me...modest thing that I am...have an almost photographic memory for events and dates and stuff. I guess thats why i was always great at history but iam really bad with figures and all ...shows doesnt it? I was abysymally bad at Mathematics....I have never yet forgotten a birthday or the date we met someone . I can remember the most complex of relationships and remmeber tiny little details that has been said to me about them. Most people dont seem to appreciate that however. To be honest , i would probably feel like creaming a person who remembers things that I would rather forget. When i first joined work was when i figured that i have a memory that i can rely on ..... I worked a counsellor and i used to remember every students' names AND the date on which they joined. I was pretty surprised myself and used to toy with the idea of a tiny person sitting in my brain who caught all the names and dates in a net and stored in a box called "MEMORY" . However the down side was that i was so bad at remembering figures that people thought i was faking it!
There is another characteristic of memories. They ALTER according to the person who possesses them . The SAME time period or event is different for different persons. My memories of a particular wedding are filled with the excitement i felt with wearing new clothes, meeting a lot of people and generally having great fun with my sister whereas my sister's memories of the same event are filled with boredom , irritation at having to dress up and not being able to read books and annoyance at being pestered by her git of a sister at all times....go figure!!!!

I realized how very difficult it is to get medical care in the US yesterday. Lots of people have told me that but i came about first hand information yesterday. Dont get e wrong.. if u r in a trauma condition or if you are grieviously injured iam sure that the EC reacts differently. Let me tell you what happened. A door slammed into my foot yestreday and ripped my toe nail off. At least nearly off.. it was hanging off my Great Toe with the help of a piece of skin. Sound euuuugghhhh.??? Looked verrry euuuuughhhhh... So there i was... Great toe bleeding...quite a lot and in pain... I thought i would pluck the nail off ...put on some anti septic and i would be done. Of course it will hurt but it will be done, see? I was getting around to doing it too... clipping off the toe a bit by bit and bracing myself, reassuring myself that it is not going to hurt when my husband browbeat me into going to the emergency and getting done by a doctor. We were there...teh registration took a while and then we were in th waiting room for around 45 minutes with our daughter running all around and being herself.....being a child at two... a pain:)We stuck a lollipop in her mouth hoping that it would at least reduce the noise if not the whirlwind activity. All the while my toe nail is swinging dolefully by the side of my toe and bleeding AND hurting like nobody's business. The nurse then called us in ... BP checked , temperature taken a 100 questions asked before she looked at my toe and then she went..oooohhhh That must hurt. I smiled and said ...yes it does. She then went around to asking me to rate my pain on a scale of 0-10. Iam like okie....lets c ... a 6 ??? What is a 10 ...rolling around with eyes up in your socket hollering??? I dont know... So iam taken to the room where i am aksed to wait for the doctor and then the nurse leaves. The nail has started to look more doleful by the minute and the blood is congealing. So i know that they would have to rub off the congealed blood before they can do something about the wound. Inspiring thought?? We wait for another 45 mts and then we decided that my husband would go home with the baby , feed her and come back. So they left. I was in the room with another family whose son had twisted his ankle and they kept giving my toe sidelong glances and they kept goinbg"EUUUUUGGGGHJHHHHH" I smiled , nodded my head and said ..I know.... An hour later the doctor came in checked my nail and said she would have to decide whether she should sew the nail back on or pull it off and for that they would have to numb my toe . Before i could say OK,... she was gone. She came back after half an hour.. i got two numbing injections at the foot of my Great Toe... oh yes... it was very very very painful and then she said that it is going to take a while for the toe to get numb and she was gone again!!!! Another 45 mts , my husband returned having left the baby with our friend who lives in the same house and another round of "Euuuuughhh"ing and "That must hurt"ing and half hour later the doctor came back. She cleaned the wound again , and pulled the nail off and cut the loose skin off and said that someone will come along to dress the wound and almost flew. They had a busy day . The nurse came along after 15 minutes to dress up the wound and after all the after care instructions we finally left for home. After 4 hours. OOOOOHHHH BOY!!!!!!!

I see my little girl playing by herself
She comes running to me
To show me what she has found
Her little face is so bright in the joy of discovering
A little leaf that has turned red with the passing of summer
She smiles and happiness radiates through her eyes
Making me warm and cozy in the cold
The wind carries the sounds of her laughter
As she runs after the sparrows, in the lawn
She comes hopping back to me to show me what she can see
Just for a moment, I see what she can see
I see huge trees with leaves of different colours
I see small squirrels chasing each other with abandon
I see small berries that fall from the tree
I see sparrows trying to fly with these berries in their beaks
I see flowers ,tiny flowers, yellow, blue and red
Nestled among the grass, the grass so green
I walk in the grass and can feel the dew tickling my shin
Then I am back to my grown self
I realize how little it takes to keep a child happy
Just a smile and a romp in the park
And my girl is all smiles and her little heart is at peace.