I spend so much of my time thinking about those who care not a tuppeny for me . I mean , I think i have wasted almost half of my life thinking out reasons as to why a certain someone does not reciprocate my overtures of friendship or just does not seem to care. When i feel nothing but disgust and blatant dislike for someone ..why does my mind keep reverting back to the "unfairnemss" of it all?
Is it some stupid , deep rooted feeling of acceptability that im yearning for ...or is it just my ego ...my hurt pride that is my focal point????
While iam wasting my life on low life such as these..Iam ignoring all those lovely people who actually care about me and what do i do?? Unload a whole lot of BS to them on how 'ill used ' iam !!!!
Why is indifference to rubbish such a difficult lesson in life????!!!!

My battle with being BIG??!!!!

I ve always been BIG or the dreaded F word... no no...u ve got me wrong there!!!! I mean FAT.!!!!! ALWAYS!!! Well... maybe not always....as people love to remind me... " you were such a skinny toddler!!! I just cant beleve that u turned out fat!!ha ha ha ..." oooh boy!!! have always wished i could do a Harry Potter and say"silencio"or even better"engorgio". Anyways...pulling myelf from pleasant thoughts of what i could do if i had a wand.... maybe i was not always this big but have been ever since it mattered!!! I remember being 11 and i joined a new school ...my nickname there was not very complimentary ...it was not very original either ...children being their boring selves. I was called Fatso or Fred Flintstone...Yeah i know....thats what i thought then !!! It really didnt help that my best friend turned out to be the class belle. You know...she was the kind that looked nice whatever she did AND she was really really slim too!!!! Soon... we came to be known by different nicknames... oooh boy!!!! u got that right...Laurel and Hardy!!!! Soon the class belle turned into the school beauty . By the time we were 14... she was this beautiful girl with great legs...lovely teeth....great complexion...u get my drift??? To be honest ...looking back.... i was not bad...nope... I was worse!!! I put on some more weight and had to wear thick glasses and got into the most god awful scrapes u can think of!!! there was this time when i ... well maybe some other time!!! Getting back to my "weighty" problem . My truly best friend...and she was the best......started getting noticed by all the boys even the Big Boys...12th graders ...no less and me...as is the standard procedure...i was the official letter /message bearer!!! OUCH!!! Having said all that , i still remember how much fun the two of us had reading those letters and I must say that I miss her a lot!!!!
Now...Iam all grown up ...great husband ..beautiful daughter ...same problem!!!! I am still F F ...auuuuuughhhh...lets just say big...shall we ?? I ve often wondered if the entire female population in the world is a size zero ... seeing that that is the only size stocked in all stores. It is mighty regular for salesmen to blush and shake their head if i ask for a " Bigger " size in any of the dresses stocked!! WAKE UP PEOPLE!!! Not all of us want to look emaciated like Kareena Kapoor!!!!!
The worst part is...i dont even have to eat to put on weight...all i need to do is LOOK at a chocolate bar or even THINK about it!!!I can actually FEEL myself SWELL!!! OH NO!!!! There i go again......

Funny thing about memories

You know ...memories are funny things. I have always found that u tend to remember the most insignificant little detail that happened yeras and years ago and yet can manage to forget something that happened yestersay. Me... well u know me...modest thing that I am...have an almost photographic memory for events and dates and stuff. I guess thats why i was always great at history but iam really bad with figures and all ...shows doesnt it? I was abysymally bad at Mathematics....I have never yet forgotten a birthday or the date we met someone . I can remember the most complex of relationships and remmeber tiny little details that has been said to me about them. Most people dont seem to appreciate that however. To be honest , i would probably feel like creaming a person who remembers things that I would rather forget. When i first joined work was when i figured that i have a memory that i can rely on ..... I worked a counsellor and i used to remember every students' names AND the date on which they joined. I was pretty surprised myself and used to toy with the idea of a tiny person sitting in my brain who caught all the names and dates in a net and stored in a box called "MEMORY" . However the down side was that i was so bad at remembering figures that people thought i was faking it!
There is another characteristic of memories. They ALTER according to the person who possesses them . The SAME time period or event is different for different persons. My memories of a particular wedding are filled with the excitement i felt with wearing new clothes, meeting a lot of people and generally having great fun with my sister whereas my sister's memories of the same event are filled with boredom , irritation at having to dress up and not being able to read books and annoyance at being pestered by her git of a sister at all times....go figure!!!!