Life changes overnite as soon as there is a baby in the family. After the birth of my daughter , and the excitement of bringing her home there was an anticlimax in the air which would have been comical if it had not been soo depressing. There I was ..bloated like a balloon... (some VERY lucky ones lose all their excess fat as soon as they have the baby and iam excluded from the list ) tired and aching after a difficult C birth. My body apparently took exception to the epidural I was given and tried its hardest best to shut down! I had high blood pressure before the baby was born so i was on a diet with NO salt for 3 weeks. Obviously I didnt have anything to eat before the delivery and until 2 days after . No water either and it was end of April-- the hottest month of the year in Chennai. OOOh Boy!!! And as Iam athmatic I had a severe chest congestion because of the epidural which didnt go too well with my wheezing lungs.Why wasnt I surprised? Back home with the little bundle of joy(!!) and there i was changing nappies every 2nd minute ....it was poop and pee ...and pee and poop...back and forth ,back and forth!! OMG! Let us not forget the sleepless night. I dont know HOW a baby who is 5 days ols catches up with the fact that it is time for her to start driving Mommy crazy. My daughter slept thruout the day ...when you have half a dozen chores what with nursing the baby, washing her dirty nappies, and lets not forget pee and poop !!!! As soon as it was time for bed there she was wide awake ...the whole household slept and there I was with burning eyes looking despodently at my daughter while she cooed he way through the night! groaaaan!!!!To top it all I developed an audibility problem which apparently can happen to 20% of new mothers and OF COURSE i had to be one among the chosen 20%.I was exhausted ,depressed and angry with everyone .I kept bursting into tears at the slightest thing . The near permanent look on my poor husband's face was this desperate panicky expression as i could become quite voluble when in tears . Looking back now... it is kind of funny but back then .... I just wanted everything to be desperately the same again. It also did not help that I resist any kind of change vigorously. Now, 2 and a half years later , I cannot even remember what it was like before my baby girl came in to my life and i wouldnt change it for anything in the world.

I have often wondered...i do that a lot....whether it is just me or if everyone tortures themselves over what others would think.. I mean when iam walking on the street and i have a piece of paper in hand..i have this mortal fear that people will see me if i drop it anywhere other than in a bin and what will i do then..probably die of embarrasment ... it has never occured to me that people on the roads have a lot more to do than looking around to see who is dropping what on the road.Oh no!!! i mean what else can all these people who are hurring on the road think about other than where iam disposing off that tiny piece of paper in my hand...never mind that it is soooo small as to be obscure ...i mean ...i have my fist clenched don't I ? so obviously I have something in my hand. I am waiting at the lights and i cringe looking at my nails ...bitten half off...omg....look at that girl on the scooter beside me...i mean LOOK at her nails...they are awesome .They are nicely shaped , a pretty pink AND they are whole, not bitten bits hanging for dear life to my finger. Whatever should I do ...I just KNOW that she is going to turn around and smirk at my nails. Never mind that she is probably busy thinking whether she needs to turn left or right at the signal....she will definitely find time to smirk.I just know it! At the supermarket i get to see this really trendy looking couple and they happened to look at me and smile ...woah!!! smile?? why did they do that ?? I look into my shpping basket oh no!!! I ve got Charmin's Ultra Strong toilet rolls... Can you believe this? Of course !! Thats why that couple back there smiled....no iam sure they didnt smile...that was definitely a sneer. Dont you know that there are some people who can school their sneers into a pleasant smile? You didnt??!! Boy!!! Are you an innocent!!! Iam sure their baskets must have been filled with real heppy stuff...like i dont know.... sixth sense stuff.... u know .....pot pourri and stuff... or maybe ...Ultra Sensitive tissue..but i can recognise a sneer anywhere !!!! and then...ok...maybe its time to stop...i can just FEEL y'all thinking...oh yes i can.... WHAT a klutz!!!!:))))